等

1点31分了，我一直不肯下线，一直等。一直等。
始终还是没等到。
谁都不肯让步。

我们的城堡~今夜星光黯淡

我们死命得想抓住仅剩的缘分。
纵使我们施了全力想挽回，弥补，汹涌而来的问题还是一波接一波的来袭。
我们快要招架不住了。我们堆积的城墙好像就要坍塌。原来我们的城墙是用沙堆积的。那么不堪打击。
用奇妙难得缘分筑起的城堡，好像危在旦夕，我们却无能为力。

828会s4ever吗？

一个人的旅程 ~ 走着走着，我会走出圈圈

倒数两天。就要起程回岛国。
那是叫家的地方。

这一趟的旅程，居然没有想象中的难熬。孤独但不寂寞。
我从来也不多话，所以也没觉得怎样无聊。
其实远离紧张的工作，到完全不同的环境学习还真是不赖。
周末不必工作，就到处逛逛。天气冷冷的，穿上风衣，买了报纸，买的蓝梅优格。走在城市的河道旁，多浪漫多逍遥。谁也不认识我，多自由。就一个人生活。

除了工作上实质的收益，其实也让我想清楚了一直想不通的事，走不出来的圈圈。

远离。远离。是对的。我终于明白谁对我最重要，谁最用心在意我。
那种感觉才是最踏实的，最自在的,那才是我最想拥有的幸福。

没有袋鼠的袋鼠岛

8月19日。昨天。
好冷的6点10分。
1个人，冷清的街道。
21布特尼道的巴士站。
等1辆载满来自世界各地的旅人，启程去106公里外的的岛屿。

时间太早，我昏睡了1小时。
时间10点1刻，我认识了3个人。
结果，我们一起吃饭，一起拍照，记录我们短暂的缘分。

其实，原来一个人的旅途是这样的。

好像也蛮好的。

黑胡椒螃蟹

周末到处闲逛，无所事事。
天气有变暖了。来到Adelaide怎么一点旅游的感觉都没有？

我想每次旅行回家，最幸福的时刻，就是乘车经过滨海的金融区。两旁的绿意和干净的车道，多有幸福的感觉。我突然好想吃黑胡椒螃蟹哦。

实习生的第一天

第一天当实习生。
早早六点就起身了，冲了凉,吃了面包，八点冒着12度的风，走路去搭车。
步行15分钟到King Willam St的B1车站，等T721F的巴士。823分，巴士准时到站。
前天已经买好了多程车票。十趟车程就要澳币25.10，不过人家的巴士不是拥挤到不能呼吸的沙丁鱼罐。

30分钟就到FMC了，Lisa已经在大门等我了。
其实这里的化验室好像比我们的小多了。一天大概就有7-800个samples.
Brad在这里的管qc的。他没有一点是像在lab工作的人。又高又瘦，全身黑衣，头发比我的还“飘逸”。像路上飙车的多点。但人是挺好的。他讲解了很多，我也问了不少。

怪闷的。还有6天在这里，有这么多问题吗？

相机坏了，无聊，什么都不能拍。等蓝点明天帮我问价钱；看要不要在这里买。这里也有Harvey Norman.

Fish and Calamari

在Regent Arcade diMare SEAFOOD买的AU$8.90 的炸鱼，苏东加大薯条。好吃。但是一个人只吃得下半只鱼，两条苏东和五条薯条。剩下的只好请垃圾桶吃。

我煮的面 ~ Adelaide 的晚餐

哭了

这是我第一次听陈洁仪现场清唱这一首歌,英语版的Home。
我居然被感动了。

断了的桥梁。。。我不要当木偶

这样的做法，真的让人觉得生气，我还曾经为你辩护过。
这么偏爱一些人的做法，我真的不能苟同。
不和你同声发音的，你就会不喜欢。我超爱这些勇敢的坚持者。

还好，到目前为止，我可以自豪的说没有得到任何的特别对待。
终于，开始了看到更完整的画面。真是天真。被利用了吧。

我不要当木偶。桥梁我已经渐渐在拆处。

盲目游走

这半年，有点象行尸走肉，盲目的过日子，游走在这城市,游走快乐于落寞之间。
工作，吃饭，回家，睡觉，重复又重复，为了什么？没有目的地，路好象是别人已经选好的，就一直跟着走。已经过了一万多个日子了，到底都做些什么？

关怀方式

你的解释，我真的不能了解。你说的好，我根本就不能实际体会。那么的不实在。
你的关怀方式，真的接收不到。

空洞的。。。。

为什么我会有这样的感觉？
你说的一些话，为什么听起来这么空洞，这么表面？
是以前就这样的吗？朋友之间的默契根本就消失不见了。

是想努力挽回失去的友情吗？可能越是勉强，大家就越显尴尬。

解冻

谢谢，你们的关心。
蓝点，维尼熊，Sab。
还有一些跟我关系普通的同事，虽然只是简单的关心，但在尤其冰冻的时期，短暂的解冻。

寂寞的季节

我的寂寞的季节已经开始。
心底。。。零下几度C。

你要记得，有那么一个时候，曾经这样让我心痛过。
还要什么好说的，当一切还来得及的时候，我已经让步了。

任性的决定，杀死了我们。

久违的微笑

好久没见面了，好开心。
很简单，但非常清晰实在的快乐。

再见了，彼得潘。

红线关系

每个人手中握着一撮自己的头发。
然后有人用红线将五撮发丝系在一起，放在你手中。
系住大家的关系，企图延续缘分。这样也许还会找到彼此，再在一起的。

这样的画面，一闪而过。但最近常常在最没有防备的时候袭击。
地铁里，德士里，扶梯上，天桥。。。我招架不住。

一首伤心的歌

一九四三 世界大战 阿嬷年轻的时候　
爷爷爱他那么多 他们感情很深
但是爷爷身负重任 就在离乡的那夜给了阿嬷一个吻　轻声说到
我要离去 别再哭泣 不要伤心
请你相信我 要等待 我的爱 陪你永不离开

因为会有那么一天 我们牵着手在草原
听鸟儿歌唱的声音 听我说声 我爱你

夕阳西下 鸟儿回家 阿嬷躺 在病床上
呼吸有一点散漫 眼神却很温柔 看着爷爷
湿透的眼 握着他粗糙的手 阿嬷的泪水开始流 轻声说道

这样的爱情现在应该很稀有。

关于力宏的歌

那是某个炎热的午后在邻里唱片行买下的一张双CD专辑。
我特地向老板要了新加坡版。老板说店里只有中国双碟版。

站在一般消费者的立场，那是超值的。我于是用了新币12元买下了一张我喜欢的唱片。

简单的举动，买了CD，只因为被歌曲感动了。

我没有认真的想过那有可能是一张翻版碟。我以为那只是在中国压制的正版唱碟，印刷不比港台版精美。
但纯粹听歌，我是可以接受的。

一张完整的专辑，是歌手和唱片公司的心血。我不曾小看过。甚至是我极不喜欢的歌手也一样。
十首歌里，我可能只爱一首。要我掏二十元去买，我实在是不情愿。唱片公司一直都不大力推广网上下载，半温不热的。应许人们只下载喜欢的歌曲，而不是硬性要照单全收，是不是会导致公司员工遭裁员，歌手和唱片行版权收入减少？唱片公司和歌者是不是更有压力要做好每一首歌？又或者是科技还不能防止下载者下载歌曲后再转发其他人？我不知道。

这是我第一次被人责问。我感到相当不好意思，甚至生气。当满街甚至是大唱片行都在贩卖中国版唱片，又没被有关当局查办的时候，我们认为我们是没有错的。当我们没能可靠的分辨真伪的时候，要我们以售卖的价格来衡量真伪似乎有点霸道。以一般消费者来说，店里售卖的，应该是正版货，消费者当然是依自己的需要来购买货物的。取缔盗版商或贩卖盗版货的应该是有关单位或唱片公司吧？歌者写歌，唱歌到底怎么平衡金钱利益和音乐上的分享？一张只买半价的CD，不会因为价钱低而失去它的音乐价值。听歌的人还是可以分享歌者的音乐理念。唱片公司有没有反省为什么网上非法下载如此猖狂？唱片的素质？唱片的售价？不要一味把矛头指向消费者。

没有完整的立法条规，总是会有灰色地带。我重申。我并不是鼓吹翻版货。

ps.不记得哪一天在报上读到，即使购买原版CD再转档成MP3都可能构成犯法。哪MP3机的贩卖是不是也犯法了？

青蛙物语2006

我们有点疯狂的，有点放肆的。转着转着，一只一只的青蛙就这样被我们转了出来。
转出快乐，转出失望。这是我们2006年的青蛙物语。

一直没等到的青蛙物语下集。是写好却被尘封遗忘了？
还是经过时间岁月的洗礼，词曲人已经抓不住这种简单的感觉？
又或者是王者的身份不再适合演绎这种小品？不得而知。

青蛙物语（上集）
青蛙喜欢望向天　常怀疑何以极圆　天光天黑没变迁　云圆圆象一顶冠冕
青蛙喜欢望雨点　细雨里怀抱自然　青蛙天真未看穿　这世界冒盾善变

青蛙喜欢看风车转　说世界美丽悦目　青蛙的小国度的方圆　难明?方向定线
青蛙井底里观天　哪理世上混乱　活在自制的方圆　常常井里自勉（徘徊井底打转）

突如奇来的落寞，让我招架不住。

到死的那一天，希望亲爱的人送上什么样的花？会有人弹奏夜曲吗？

关于现在的我们

我们不是团体，我们没有组织，我们因为K而认识。
我们。。。有过误会，有过争执。我们闹意见过。但我们还是好好的。
不知道几时，我们都变了。。。我们的误会一直没有化解。我们任意放纵我们的不满。
我们没有做出妥协的第一步，因为我们都认定自己没有错。
我们越来越尴尬。你不喜欢她，她不喜欢我。我又生气她。
僵在这里。等时间流逝，等记忆蒙灭，那时才会原谅让步？
怎么办才好？我怀念从前。我要我们在一起。

香港金像奖

没有得奖。我们一整夜的等待。K几年努力的期待。
如果没有得到金马，会提名金像吗？我不知道。
感觉他不是属于香港电影圈子里的。好象总是站在边边的尴尬位子。
金马的得奖，多少让香港的电影人，把视线从舞台移开，远离K舞台绚丽的光芒，认真再看他的电影。
我想他更希望得到香港的肯定。加油，有一天，一定会的。
我们已经约好明年，金像奖，香港见。

变态似的伤害

我们各自捅了对方一刀，然后看着对方流血，什么都不做。
我竟然可以抽离现实，好象在叙述别人的事，并且病态似的在脑袋里笑着。。。

我以为已经静止了。当青柠檬草莓苏打水再冒起泡泡，我却措手不及。

我终于知道那是你送给我的祝福票据。我还很笨的以为是巧克力工厂附送的。笑。

还是我的生日。我的难过是因为你的那则简讯。我连再重看都不想。反胃。你这样子，我不会忘记的。虽然我清楚知道，我是会原谅你的。

　

不会一直下着雨的，因为再大的风雨，总还是听得见密码
我的生日。我的感动是因为你给我的PPT。
照片模糊，记忆却不会褪色。我想永远记得这样子的你们。

突然想念在香港半山扶梯两旁的小咖啡座。听着［小亲亲］OST。沉浸在那种怀旧庸懒的气氛当中。
生活中有太多无聊可憎的人。
I should really never bother with the people I hate。Free fresh wind in my hair. Life without a care. Happy birthday Little Red Dot, my home on the blue planet.

失而复得的甜蜜。明明知道将需要再经历一次离别。12年的生日蛋糕。我的心碎了。

专家预测2050年，海水将升高5米，淹没沿海的城市。离开现在还有45年。我还可能活着。

彼得潘的世界

彼得潘的世界。让人逃离沉闷现实的一切。
逃离是快乐的，兴奋的。虽然逃离是极短暂的。
彼得潘的世界。让人永远停留天真青春。每一刻，都全身贯注的。认真的。
就在眼前，一路直走就能见到。只有心里还住着小孩的，才能找到彼得潘的世界。
一路跟随彼得潘，不为了什么，只为见到他的微笑。

为什么。。。心会痛。。。难过吗？孙哥哥他要我们加油的。。。
我努力努力要 做到。。。但心还是隐隐的在流泪。。。
我是轻拭着眼泪，笑着走出电影院的。
笑孙哥哥的进步。哭孙哥哥的深情,傻气的执著。
101分给孙哥哥的进步。101分给导演，因为他对孙哥哥太好了。
0分给自己。因为居然还是哭了。虽然说好了不哭的。

我好累。好难过。

臭男人都是你害的
去，不去，去，不去，去还是不去。。。。都是你害的啦。

Starry, starry night Remembering Van Gogh

Paint your palette blue and grey, Look out on a summer's day, With eyes that know the darkness in my soul.
Shadows on the hills, Sketch the trees and the daffodils, Catch the breeze and the winter chills, In colors on the snowy linen land.

Now I understand what you tried to say to me, How you suffered for your sanity, How you tried to set them free.
They would not listen, they did not know how. Perhaps they'll listen now.

Starry, starry night. Flaming flowers that brightly blaze, Swirling clouds in violet haze, Reflect in Vincent's eyes of China blue.
Colors changing hue, morning field of amber grain, Weathered faces lined in pain,Are soothed beneath the artist's loving hand.

Now I understand what you tried to say to me, How you suffered for your sanity, How you tried to set them free.
They would not listen, they did not know how. Perhaps they'll listen now.

For they could not love you, But still your love was true. And when no hope was left in sight
On that starry, starry night, You took your life, as lovers often do.
But I could have told you, Vincent, This world was never meant for one As beautiful as you.

Starry, starry night. Portraits hung in empty halls, Frameless head on nameless walls, With eyes that watch the world and can't forget.
Like the strangers that you've met, The ragged men in the ragged clothes, The silver thorn of bloody rose, Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow.

Now I think I know what you tried to say to me, How you suffered for your sanity, How you tried to set them free.
They would not listen, they're not listening still. Perhaps they never will.

头痛了一天。突然疯狂的想见到一个人。想大叫。

炎热的午后 颓废着

有种不安一直回荡不去。炎热的午后。空气弥漫着窒息的闷热。我极度渴望到海边去。
始终还是没有出发，没劲，继续颓废。
到底怎么了？

你的生日

毕业竟然有十年了。今天你生日，祝你快乐。你就要结婚了。
刚刚传来简讯叫我一定要出席你们的晚宴。这当然。
突然我想起我们在新理的一些事，很多记忆。好像你昨天才问我是不是该向隔壁班的他告白。
突然，惊觉眼泪滑下。是缅怀青春的无拘无束，还是为你即将迎接的幸福而开心，我真的搞不清楚。
或者，都是吧。亲爱的朋友，真的为你感到高兴，祝福你。

7点26分 晚 雨下，下不停

我想一定是这天气，害我陷入一种模糊不清的状态中。听着［玻璃之城］的原声带，房间昏暗，墙上的风扇因为窗外吹来的风，自己转了起来。风铃也应风响了。冷，车子飞驰而过的声音，雨一直下着。。

雨继续下，满屋子的衣服未干。潮湿。极度讨厌。能不能送我一些干燥剂。笑。

我的日记，有50％是真的，有一半是虚构的。有些虚构的，我想它变真，些真的，我想它变假。
真真假假，我怕我会混乱。我是个大迷糊。还患有严重的神经质。常傻笑。笑。

结束了旧年是为了迎接更多的未知美好，谢谢过去一年你给过我的美丽时光和无数难忘的心痛。

南亚的地震引发了大海啸。
无数城镇就这样毁了。无数生命被结束了。
我没有到过这些村镇城市，只能从新闻报道看到这些地方曾经是海边天堂。这些城镇很美，海水歁蓝清澈得见底，棕榈布满白皙的沙滩。就这样被一场从海而来的灾难，结束了。带走的，还有上万的生命，无数的家庭，将生死永隔，无数的人们，将无家可归，无数的孩子，将变成孤儿。
现在，从新闻报道，看到天堂瞬间变成地狱。

我要默哀一分钟。无语。静默。

走到2004年的这一点，我刚下班。透过车窗，见到五彩的霓虹灯，低气温，避开了人群的喧闹，一个人回家，只有开车的德士司机的几句寒暄陪我过这一年的这一刻。不觉特别的寂寞，冷清。听着［蓝月亮］，感觉温暖，想起了你。

明月夜如醉了夜空添一分悽迷 明月下懷抱你是依依不捨的美麗
驟眼的心慌意亂令我著迷 願溫馨一生一世
由黑暗走進清涼凌晨 於街角擁吻深情情人
空虛與心碎飄如浮雲 掩蓋了街燈
微風正飄過輕搖長裙 光陰帶走了痴迷時辰 相相抱緊完全地接近

明月下人醉了全不知光陰消逝 藍月亮離去了仍依戀今晚的約誓
願往昔傷心片段莫再提 讓這一生更美麗
明月下人醉了全不知光陰消逝 藍月亮離去了仍依戀今晚的約誓

等圣诞的气氛降临

头持续得痛着，重复听着一首歌，习惯重复听着同样得歌，直到哪一天厌倦了。今年好像没有圣诞的气氛，头痛着，只想睡觉。

站在大雨前　細心看看　我的路　再下個車站到天后　當然最好　但華麗的星途　途中 一旦畏高　背後會否還有你　擁抱
在百德新街的愛侶　面上有種顧昐自豪 在台上任我唱　未必風光更好　人氣不過肥皂泡
即使有天開個唱　誰又要唱　你不可到現場 仍然仿似　白活一場　不戀愛　教我怎樣唱
幾多愛歌給我唱　還是勉強　台前如何發亮 難及給最愛在耳邊　低聲溫柔地唱
白日夢飛翔　永不太遠　太抽象　最後變天后　變新娘 都是理想　在時代的廣場　誰都　總會有獎　我沒有歌迷　有你景仰
在百德新街的愛侶　面上有種顧昐自豪 在台上任我唱　未必風光更好　人氣不過肥皂泡
其實心裡最大理想　跟你歸家　為你唱

风继续吹

近日，连绵下雨。气温持续下降，凌聚成一股低气压。我几乎透不过气。我想问你好不好，却没有开口。我沉默，看起来无精打采，第一时间就离开有你同在的那个地方。给你买了今年的圣诞礼物。不知道会不会送给你。

闪着光的友情圣诞BBQ

最初最初的时候，我真的没有想过我们会在一起吃饭，一起看戏，一起唱K，一起烤肉，一起8挂，一起旅行，一起狂奔，一起生气，一起哭，一起笑，一起等，等，等。。。赞。　　　

我们不是很熟，或许正是如此，有不开心的，我总是会想告诉你，不是你特别了解我，甚至很多的时候，你还很没同情心的把我骂醒。今天去唱K，终于逯行了我曾经答应过你的。对了，以后不要把我和某某人牵扯在一起，我是会不高兴的。

　

生命的脆弱让我有点不知所措。来到生命的尽头的时候，多么无奈，纵然有再多的不舍，再多的遗憾，还是得结束生命。我对你完全没有印象，听父亲说，你曾经给我补过数学。被病魔一再折磨，你昨天夜里病逝了，老伴让你放心走好，孩子没有说话。这些都是老爸说给我听的，他很平淡地带过，我难过，更珍惜一家人健健康康在一起。

　

海逸酒店 风吹 ［10年光辉 演唱会后记］

因为一首歌，而迷恋这个人，因而喜欢上这个城市。演唱会后，在沿海的行人道上站了很久，香港的夜色真的很美。看着对岸的霓虹灯，心情出奇平静美丽。　　　
十年了，期间遇到很多的朋友，为青春的日记填上音符。音符有时快乐，有时悲伤。有时候走累了，就想放弃，还好一直有挚友鼓励，才没有放弃。虽然累了，对他的执著却没有改变过。正如K在演唱会说的：［有時身心都覺得好疲累，做咗十幾年歌手，有時我又會問吓自己，係咪應該靜落嚟！做一D另外自己中意做嘅嘢呢？諗吓諗吓，諗起你哋，我又覺得应该继续唱下去。。。］他对舞台的热爱和执著也没有变过。
累了，或许真的可以停下脚步，静下心来。休息过后，再出发寻找自己喜欢的事。　　　
舞台王者，舞台是属于你的，我们的掌声也会一直留给你。

幸福就象我们那天在海边筑起的那座美丽的城堡。那一天你说永远不会忘记。只是城堡不管多大，多美丽，总有一天还是会毁掉。你说毁掉了，再盖就好。那是你的承诺。多美。

你暂时是我最想拥抱的温柔，虽然那是另类的。

如果只听一首歌就能感动，这个歌手是不是很厉害？ps.　K先生的歌艺从来没有达到业界所认同的水平。
为了一群好友，为了曾经拥有过的感动，一直想延续这份特别的关系。让自己可以为了一首歌而感动。
第五个828发生的不愉快事件，让我在难过中想了很多。人终究是一个人活在这个世界上的。在某个程度上，是永远寂寞的。不管你有多少的朋友，多少的家人。心里的一处，就有着孤独寂寞的种子。一旦遇到某个雨天，某个事件，某个景物，某个人，某首歌，种子就会发芽，然后一点一点成长。努力掩饰反而越来越寂寞，越是抽离人群，缩到城市角落。雨兀自的下着，无情的冷。想退到温暖的面包店里，拥有那法国面包的快乐，暂时忘记那发芽的寂寞。

今晚我用青柠檬草莓苏打水结束了这场又酸又甜的单恋。
喝着他请的第一杯饮料，我居然可以若无其事。笑，我一点都不难过。
他还是有种淡定的温柔，让人心动,但是那已经是属于别人的。

[柔道] 背后的星星论

当所有的焦点不再停留在K先生的身上，让我们更期待他的演出。
退到二线位置的K先生，气定神闲得演好了Tony的小角色。他的努力，他的光芒没有任何人抢得去。退了一步，或许得到更多。当朋友告诉我K先生已经渐渐退热，渐渐失去光芒。我就这样回答：［他一直都发着光，从出道，到今天。十年前，万千的人看到了，挂在天边的这颗闪着光的星星，为他欢呼。十年后，星星依然发着光，但很多的人已经忘记一直都在的星星，忘记曾经让他们微笑的星星。不是星星不再发光，只是他们现在已经看不到了星星发出的光。星星努力的发光，因为他有自己的梦想，星星继续发光因为他知道，还有一些人难过流泪的时候，总是会抬头，看见了星星，得到一些温暖，然后微笑。]

今天看了[柔道]enews的报道，觉得K先生这次其实是当了第二主角。当鐻光灯不再打在他的身上时，我更期待他的演出。

5月4日 星期二 云顶

每一个长得几分象你的人，都让我心动，在寂寞的城市里，好象为了寻找你，而游荡着。我开始迷路，疯狂的追逐没有结果的短暂快乐，沉浸在忘我的热闹派对，在人潮退散以后，还是留下寂寞的翅膀，在寂静的午夜徘徊不去。曾经　

Silence can hurt n kill.

Long time since last post. Caught up with the extra activities at work.
Basically, most happy with the SChem work processes group one, and a thousand "sianz" for the Lab day and RChem one.
Was feeling unwell again these few days. And the 2 nites were really torturing. :(

Missed a lot of pple.
I wish I dun feel so much for you so I dun hav to feel so sad now. Silence can hurt n kill.

Heading for Genting later on at 6am. Such a sianz place except for the coolness and looking 4ward to eating mushrooms at the farm there. k, will update again when I get back.

Pending to do
1. SChem Meeting 2 minutes.
2. Alter C.S.I pic for Glen.
3. Lab day logo n Flyer to finalise.
4. Take fotos for poster.
5. Finalise poster.

Idiot! All work-related! What m I doing?

一面看着显微镜，眼泪一面聚满眼眶，不能自主地沿着脸颊流下。害怕让人看见我的脆弱。我于是安静。没有说话。 如果突然间离开人间，离开我所爱的人，来不及告别。会不会遗憾？

只有你叫我不用害怕。我感动到想哭。是真的。谢谢。

那是五岁小孩，嘴里含着珍宝珠的幸福模样。那么单纯的模样。好像那一秒钟，全世界就被这种甜蜜包围着。如果没有太多的烦恼，就专心的做自己喜欢的事，看自己爱看的书，唱自己爱唱的歌，看爱看的电影，去想去的地方，握紧心爱的人的手，为他盖好被，为他弄早餐，也能有这种简单的快乐吧。

体温持续38度C，昏昏沉沉得睡着。

又感冒了，头昏昏。两眼发呆。嘴里却还吃着七种颜色的冰棒。我想和人说话，但没有人理我。累。不能呼吸。我发着呆，想着你。

一个多星期的假期还剩下一天，心开始有点慌，有点焦虑。昨夜又梦见你，在我最没有防备的时候，当你不能爱我的时候，请你让我走，不要再用那种眼神留住我。

是不是为了自己喜欢的一个人，一件事物，就要奋不顾身往前冲，为了得到，为了证明自己的用心，甚至把自己弄得遍体鳞伤也心甘情愿。但这样真得值得吗？

我的不快乐，你们还是第一时间发觉。有人从远方寄来小熊，有人发简讯叫我大哭一场，还有老妈深夜知道我想吃水饺汤还马上下锅煮给我吃。这些我都懂。谢谢。我不能控制的难过是不是应该停止了呢？

我的不快乐，你们还是第一时间发觉。有人从远方寄来小熊，有人发简讯叫我大哭一场，还有老妈深夜知道我想吃水饺汤还马上下锅煮给我吃。这些我都懂。谢谢。我不能控制的难过是不是应该停止了呢？

I received a box of yellow smiles...

xiao xing xing: Teddy has arrived in singapore with the two easter eggs safely without a scratch. will deliver the eggs to their rightful owner asap. Thanks dear for brightening my otherwise dim days.

Slept badly coz dreamt of the flyer that I juz come up for lab day 3 hours ago. all the red cells flying about. And had funny fragments of two poor kids fighting for a piece of purple candy the size of a door. M I mad or wat?

and ya b4 i forget, thanks to ee for suggesting adding colors to the flyer.

Am on nite now. Not busy but is feeling concuss now. got a urgent csf juz now and dr ask for a gram stain. like 3 thousands years neber do liao. even went to the extend of reading the WI. heyhey but not for the instructions for staining but to see if there's any indications to reject the request. didn't see any organisms though... hav to ask mimi to counter-chk for mi tmr.

haha rambutan 4got today is monday and only wake modular up at 4am. still priming rxg now. Yawn... so tired but i hav respun all the Special chem specimens, printed calibration traces and changed bench coat for sotong, so i m happy.

gonna go c whether rambutan is ok.

The road glitters after the rain this morning.
I was travelling in the direction of work.
Feeling suddenly lost, in the midst of the morning crowd.
The train was packed with sounds but yet I could hear nothing except the sound of tears dropping and pooling into a blue lagoon.

I scanned the crowd hoping to see you, waiting for a miracle, one day you will remember me.

The lagoon gonna's spill over...

孤单还是孤单

星期六的下午，下过雨，几百人穿梭的购物中心，我游荡着，漫无目的的走，随便发简讯，维持和世界的连线。我烦闷。持续得等，等一个奇迹，等一天你记得我，记得我留给你的微笑。但是我找不到你，找不到。。。找不到你。。。

还是孤单

星期三我的寂寞陪我孤单地在城市游走。想离开，但想去的另一个城市发生示威。我只能在网络上继续游走。。。

I am sick, really. Running a fever. Worked for the sunday then have to ask for urgent off on Monday. Lucky for me that I was working with considerate and nice friends. Ate 6 panadols to keep the fever down so that I dun feel so sick. :(

I am sick but warm in the heart.

寂寞的僵局

我在电话的这一头寂寞着，你在那一头沉默着，时间一秒一秒飞驰过，仿佛可以听见时间飞过耳际的声音，我们可以这样僵持多久？

A stupid me, so idiotic.

Getting angry and upset early in the morning and had my face black for the whole day while the whole world continues to spin and make merry. I am sick really sick....... So sick that tears juz dropped when I stopped for lunch.

I wanna be happy and move the stone farther away. So the problem will seem smaller n minute.
Guess the biggest enemy is still myself ba.

I missed my friends, I missed all my loved ones and I missed you. I wanna juz wish you love and warmth tonight.

I am still down and sad. :(

Stressed out!

Hahaa, mum's away for a week, touring east of malaysia with dad.
So I tasted the life of a working "mum". woke up at 6am to make breakfast, packed breakfast for my sis. send cousin to school, then head for the train; hoping to get a seat from lakeside to novena. Rushed through the day in the lab calibrating uibc and troubleshooting ALP and running the parallel QC. And then rush to fetch cousin then buy dinner coz the "black bean chicken" I cooked on the first day taste like the chicken has drowned in brine. :p but tat's not really my fault, must be the packaged black bean seasoning. Swept the floor, washed the laundry. neber did so many things all together. Tired with panda eyes. Gonna sleep early.

everyone's stressed out in the lab. Pple dun seems happy now though we are still joking around. Tempers flew out of control. sighzz. wish the situation could change for the betta. Working for long hours under such stressful condition is bad for health. :((

又寂寞又美丽
Been wanting to go on a train trip along the coast of eastern taiwan since watching tat taiwan movie 深深太平洋.
going on leave in april for a week. tinking of realising this trip.

Going alone ba coz dun tink will be able to persuade the other 3 persons to go along. maybe they'll stay in taipei while i go alone on the train. i wish someone could share the wish to leave the city for a while juz to see the green fields with yellow flowers and the deep blue seas with frothing whites.

suddenly so lonely yet the feeling is beautiful. 又寂寞又美丽?

We are made of star dust......

Back from star grazing, not much gained as alreadi knew most of the stuff that the speaker said. was looking forward to the observation but sky was overcasted, can't see through the clouds. :(((

then went with s4 to serangoon to eat the famous HollandV lasek lemak. ok ok onli ler.

The sky is overcast; not a good day for star grazing. :((

v838 Monocerotis revisited: Space phenomenon imitates art

4 March 2004

[ "Starry Night", Vincent van Gogh's famous painting, is renowned for its bold whorls of light sweeping across a raging night sky. Although this image of the heavens came only from the artist's restless imagination, a new picture from the NASA/ESA Hubble Space Telescope bears remarkable similarities to the Van Gogh work, complete with never-before-seen spirals of dust swirling across trillions of kilometres of interstellar space.

The experience of being outside at night under a crystal clear sky. There may be a hint of crispness in the air that makes everything seem clean and refreshing. The blackness is a deep, rich, velvet blue that is more bottomless than any ocean. The stars are not spots of light but brilliant, magical diamonds that dance and twirl like tiny ballerinas. In just this special moment, the sky is somehow alive, and it seems to speak to you silently about the meaning of infinity.
Adapted Quotes from http://www.arttoheartweb.com/starry_night.htm

Starry Night was painted while Vincent was in the asylum at Saint-R�my and his behaviour was very erratic at the time, due to the severity of his attacks. Unlike most of Van Gogh's works, Starry Night was painted from memory and not outdoors as was Vincent's preference. This may, in part, explain why the emotional impact of the work is so much more powerful than many of Van Gogh's other works from the same period.

Does the tumultuous style of these works reflect a tortured mind? Or is there something more we can read within the whorls Vincent's raging night sky? This is what makes Starry Night not only Vincent's most famous work, but also one of its most frequently interpreted in terms of its meaning and importance.

Some people have speculated about the eleven stars in the painting. While it's true that Vincent didn't have the same religious fervour in 1889, when he painted the work, as he did in his earlier years, there is a possibility that the story of Joseph in the Old Testament may have had an influence on the composition of the work.

'Look, I have had another dream' he said, 'I thought I saw the sun, the moon and eleven stars, bowing to me.'
Genesis 37:9



Another interesting link to Van gogh and Science

有位小朋友说送我小天使守护我

我在梦里转一个弯 看见那一段的好时光
虽然现在你在远方 但是感觉没间断
我的笑容虽然灿烂 我的拥抱需要点温暖
就算遇到失望和沮丧 请你心中轻轻想我在你身旁

　

really pissed off by work and a lot of pple. why must we take everything so seriously?
ok, i must say i no longer share the "zest" about work, or izit all about responsibilites? i dun koe.
honestly, i m not an irresponsible person, i juz wan to do things at a slower pace, can't we juz slow down a little, juz a little. i need to hav a life beside work. all talks about work, i m getting sick even in the company of nice colleagues and some whom i consider friends. Now even the smell of the place, made me faint.

mood swings like a super-yoyo out of control. didn't even wan to conceal my unhappiness; knew i had an xtremely low EQ. So what? tink i m happier this few days, coz i knew now wat i m angry with n unhappy about. i m beginning to find my old self back. i hope.

so tired today that I lost my temper at work. Been too stressed up. Must try to relax; looking forward to star grazing this saturday. For almost 3 years, our star has always been in hong kong.

Now finally touching the topic of stars and planets in their original true context. :))

Kept having this recurring dream of being on the beach staring at the sky with the Polaris. Was a pretty sight. Can't remember ware the beach was, definitely not in Sing coz the sky's too polluted by the city's lights.

The lights from these stars has started out thousand and thousand of years ago. Can we still assume the stars are still there now? A rather weird concept. So things tat we see doesn't always mean it's the truth. And things that we dun see dun really mean tat they r not true. :p what may I blabbing about? I dun koe.

wanna juz say thank you to someone.
coz someone gonna hav to work 9 days in a row by taking this sunday shift.
thanks. :)

The eternity of stars, planets and the moon in the river of time.......

shrine:"oh! bring a telescope here! hee...can see saturn and jupiter very well and other stars which norm fade out in singapore's brite city lites and concrete jungle....it's so beautiful...even @ one pm here, the moon can still be seen! in fact hor....now 4 pm...still can see moon leh...i think it's there all the time...just that we never noticed it. "


The moon, planets and stars are always there in the sky. Even in Singapore, dun see them in the sky doesn't mean that they are not there. Like many things in life, they are juz covered up by the many highrises and pollution. When the clouds disperses and storm lifts, you will see them. Some friends will stick with you in times of trouble and share with you your happiness. Sometimes they seems so far away and dun seems to be in your daily life but you still know they do care. Better treasure them before you lost them along the river of time. Juz a short encounter, we met and left a lot of memories along the river banks.

"Life is both sad and solemn. We are let into a wonderful world, we meet one another here, greet each other and wander together for a brief time. Then we lost each other and disappear as suddenly and unreasonably as we arrived." ~~ Jostein Gaarder in Sophie's world

李安导演和父亲的话别 在海葬那一刻

浪很静，落日余辉很美。"爸，海的那一边就是台南故乡，这里常有海豚来玩，风景很优美，你放心地走吧。”父亲十年前赠送的啸依然吹奏着《秋水伊人》。。。
那么细腻地男人，是不是让人心动？

Heavy downpour...
the closer you are to someone, the more you could be asking of tat someone.
dissappointed and was so down today, didn't really koe wat i was doing.

haiz... pycho myself with a positive attitude to work today, but the moment i step into the place, a downpour began in my heart. so heavy and grey tat i almost couldn't tink properly.

gonna make plans for next mth leave to motivate myself. Hong Kong is out for will be goin in oct.
Perth? maybe ba?

who's can make me smile or cry??

can someone juz enlighten mi as to how to fill this white form every time of the year?
could i juz fill that i will be responsible for my own happiness and saddness?
i m the key operator for my life. u guys (i guess if u care enuff to read this page) will be automatically become the influencing factors as to how my performance grade will be. A, B, C, D?? anyway it's my life.


chatted with di last nite. reminded mi of someone i miss but couldn't call to say hi .....

Mushrooms mushrooms mushrooms

anyone will envy me. such a blissful day. woke up at 9am. ate toast with eggs. (done half boiled minus the avian flu plus pepper and soya sauce). read the papers n then a few pages of [Sophie world] ps. a good read if u like philosophy.

sms a few pple i loved juz to say hi and how r u. then called civil servant club to register for the star grazing thing in march. hahaa almost forgot i used to go gaga over astronomy. been overloaded with work and other stuff tat i gradually lost touch with what i used to enjoy doing.

Packed my stuff again and was listening to all the old cds tat has gathered dust in the bottom of my drawers. realise i still love them. :) good old songs.

ahhhaa cooked lunch. mushrooms in oyster sauce and rice. yummy yummy.

went shopping at cityhall, brought khaki pants, white tee, biotherm gloss no.30, source therapy spa concentrate, toner, loreal shampoo, aquasource oligo-therma gel, wow wat a list. :)) will hate to see next mth bills. :((( should hav passed all cards to hoff as she suggested. i promise to do so next mth. :p (3 fingers)

Well, i tink i m happy today n tat's good. ah lee said sometimes one does get unhappy for no apparent reason, but we shouldn't let it bother us for too long. so i guess i gonna snap out of it pretty soon coz i finally hav to face the fact tat no one's gonna cry with me no matter how much i wish they will.

Running on Depressed mode
did a few online depression quiz and got the same depressing conclusion tat i might be suffering from moderate to severe depression. recommended to see a doctor even though i may not feel motivated to do so.

hey hey, didn't really trust these online quiz as the questions they ask seems so general tat i think everyone in the lab will probably be classified under the depressed group. as i always joked, i m always running on depressed mode. ps. for non-lab readers: tat's a comment we put for chemistries tat we rerun in decreased mode for testing in the lab.

gonna sleep early, tat's a symptom for depression if u sleep too little or sleep too much. betta get some quality sleep b4 i really turned crazy.

juz received a call from sabi. sounded quite lonely and sianz. didn't koe how to cheer her up. :(

tot goin to perth for studies should be something exciting. guess the excitment is there but the loneliness is probably too much to bear at the beginning. all the new things to accept and new pple to get to koe. and got the hard cold boring studies to worry.

but i guess everthing gonna b fine for her soon, brave and smart gal. gonna go shopping for SHE cd to send to perth tmr. at least won't feel so helpless here doin nothing. :)

heart in ice cubes
juz made a box of aloe vela cubes in honey. gonna be nice with ice in this hot weather. wish could share with someone. sun's blazing outside. gloomy in the heart.

Sense of loneliness ~ Feel Van Gogh's
[' It looks very different here today, but beautiful in its own way, for instance, the grounds near the Rhine railway station: in the foreground, the cinder path with the poplars, which are beginning to lose their leaves; then the ditch full of duckweed, with a high bank covered with faded grass and rushes; then the grey or brown-gray soil of spaded potato fields, or plots planted with greenish purple-red cabbage, here and there the very fresh green of newly sprouted autumn weeds above which rise bean stalks with faded stems and the reddish or green or black bean pods; behind this stretch of ground, the red-rusted or black rails in yellow sand; here and there stacks of old timber - heaps of coal - discarded railway carriages; higher up to the right, a few roofs and the freight depot - to the left a far-reaching view of the damp green meadows, shut off far away at the horizon by a greyish streak, in which one can still distinguish trees, red roofs and black factory chimneys. Above it, a somewhat yellowish yet grey sky, very chilly and wintry, hanging low; there are occasional bursts of rain, and many hungry crows are flying around. Still, a great deal of light falls on everything; It shows even more when a few little figures in blue or white smocks move over the ground, so that shoulders and heads catch the light.

I think, however, that in Paris everything probably looks much cleaner and less chilly. For the chilliness even penetrates the house, and when one lights a pipe, it seems damp from the drizzling rain. But it is very beautiful.

But it's on days like this that one would like to go and see some friend or would like a friend to come to the house; and it's on days like this that one has an empty feeling when one can go nowhere and nobody comes. But it's then that I feel how much the work means to me, how it gives tone to life, apart from approval or disapproval; and on days which would otherwise make one melancholy, one is glad to have a will.' ]

shades of greys and blacks

been feeling beri bad this few weeks, continuously in different shades of greys and blacks.... (but isn't greys shades of black? ahaaa) Wondering why? low self esteem? low moral at work? lost interest in work? too lonely? or juz simply too tired. dun hav the answers.

hav this remote idea of living behind someone's shadow.
dun not koe y. stupid y i cannot juz b an individual. HATE it. :(

Someone special...

on leave for a few days. was chatting wit ee n hs on msn earlier. talked abt aa n other stuff. preti boring day here, sky's grey and cloudy. mood ok ba. manage to clear the mountain on my table that has been threatening to start a land slide.

doin the same things for almost 10 years certainly is an amazing thing. and the fact tat i m still doin it is incredible. sometimes i wan to puke juz hearing ani thing related to it. does the same theory applied to relationships, can a relationship with a loved one last 10 years? i wish i can answer on tat... ...

some must tink it's silly to stick with someone whom i didn't even talk to for more than 30 mins add together; yet there's this funni special bond. Crazy and childish, some would definitely say, but ... ... it's a strange feeling to feel attached to this someone and this special group of friends, ahem u koe who u r. strange but it feels good so i tink it cannot be bad. :)

hahaa yes i m still alive after all this while. and finally got my own url and tat's like waiting for 5 years b4 it's actually became a fact. always too lazy to put my ideas into action. but tat's me.

seen gila's fotos on her blog. seems so nice to be there at fremantle and most importantly away from work.

maybe maybe will go there in april. i said maybe maybe coz tat's moi style. :p always uncertain and last min.

一首歌的距离

车窗外有雨　悄然落下
视线渐模糊　声音温柔　
距离 只隔着这首歌　

两个人吃掉六粒冰

今天蓝点请吃超贵的冰。两个傻人，空着肚子吃掉30块钱的冰淇淋。
粉红的草莓，深黄的芒果，深红的梅子，淡黄的香草，深褐的巧克力。用冰冷冻情绪，放纵得，好像有变快乐了。 。

一个人逛街买SKII　遮盖我的心情
接到朋友的简讯，感觉到她的难过，我想哭，今天没说太多的话。
有些人因为分开着，所以没有说话，有些人几乎天天见面，但是也没有说话。
很多的事在长大了以后，就不能放纵自己，很多的压力好像都得自己承担。
想得到一些人的安慰，了解和鼓励或是认同，却失望得觉得人生如果用一种很灰色的态度去看待，真的还是蛮孤独的。

梦见宽广的那片草地，面对一整片的天空，天气晴朗，清楚看得见北极星。画面很清晰，逼真到自己也想以为那是真的。在我居住的城市里，每隔50米就会有一座灯火通明的政府组屋，天空总是被灯火照的通明，看得见的星星真的不多，高楼树立，想找一片没有阻挡的天空都不是那么容易。喜欢没有阻挡的蓝天，晴朗，看得见我们的星星，风吹，还有你陪伴。那是幸福。

那是一个透明四方，象鱼缸的玻璃箱子，装着黑幽幽的气体，箱子里飘浮着七彩漩涡形的东西。还有闪闪发亮的石头，闪着光。
看见一颗土黄色的大珠子，不远处还有一颗蓝色的，表面浮着白色物体，好像我们居住的地球。
这是我想象的宇宙。我们在小小的地球,探出了头，想看清的宇宙。
这时，玻璃箱子外，突然来了个带着红帽子的，眼睛张的老大的小孩，“格“格”，用力的用手指敲着玻璃。。。。
我们宇宙外的世界是还是宇宙吗？宇宙的边缘在哪里？我是到底谁？到底在做什么？